Is there such a thing as 'Fall Cleaning'??

I'm part of this Bunco group with some ladies from my church since April or so. It's not something that I would normally do, but I thought that it would be good for me to get out of my comfort zone... something that I don't do enough of because... well, it's comfortable! The big problem with staying in the comfort zone is that you don't grow and you actually stagnate and can become quite unhappy and dissatisfied. So, I became a part and signed up to host in November. I've been stressing about it ever since for many reasons, but mainly just stressing that my house isn't as nice as everybody else's house and that they'll think badly of me. Sound familiar??? Don't want to share my blog because it doesn't look as nice or the way I want to...

Over the couple months I've been really trying to let this go. Recently, I realized that I actually have a big problem with this. I'm obsessed with a big house. I've had a big problem with comparing myself to others for a long time. I'm trying to break this sinful habit. I'm looking at how this house has been such a blessing from God and that I shouldn't have such a bad attitude about a blessing that God has given me. More on that another day...

These last couple weeks Nelson and I have really been cleaning and re-arranging and organizing every room in the house. It's been really tiring, but it's been such a source of happiness! The house is going to look really good and it's going to help so much. I think that I'll be able to maintain it's clean state because I like how it looks! If only I keep Xander from playing with his toys, it would stay really neat!! ;-D

Out with the old... and in with the new

After posting last night I went through and published all the posts that I had saved as drafts... well except for one. I couldn't find the picture that went in that post... had to get my SysAdmin (aka my beloved husband) to find out what folder he saved some pictures to...

It feels good to let go of a little bit of my perfectionism. I don't know why I didn't just publish those posts. I read through them and didn't really change much of anything to them. I liked them the way they were. I think that this blogging exercise is going to be really good for me. To not stress and fret over all the minutiae... to just get things done!

Let's pretend...

We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful what we pretend to be.
- Kurt Vonnegut

This quote's an interesting take on the 'you are what you think' philosophy. It makes me wonder what I pretend to be. My first thought is that I don't pretend to be anything. I'm just me. Most of the time I want to pretend to be like somebody else so that people will like me or think that I'm cool or attractive or smart or whatever. But, I don't. At least I don't think I pretend. But does my everyday behavior come across as something different than how I truly am. Am I authentic and true to how I really am?

Then on the other hand I wonder if I *should* pretend to be those qualities that I want to be so that I can become them. You know the whole happy hypocrite thing... But, I don't.

So I'm still just me... take it or leave it... But I do so want to change some things about myself.

The best laid plans...

My plan was to have by now completed at least the rough draft of my PhD dissertation and to be able to spend lots of time blogging my little brain out chronicling the life of my son and all the sights along the way.

Such is not the case...

I'm finding it terribly difficult to find the time to read papers and write my dissertation while taking care of a baby. Not a big surprise to the 'experienced' moms out there. In my naivete, I thought that it would become easier as he got older. Well, some things are easier, but there is less time now than there was before. My day is filled with trying to be a stay-at-home mom and going grocery shopping, finding items on sale (since we are now a single income household -- not that my school stipend was all that much, but it was more than nothing), cleaning the house, laundry, etc. Let me tell you, it is difficult to read scientific articles while breastfeeding a nursing/napping infant!!

So long story short... I have decided to just start blogging in the spare moments that I have before he gets much older.

On a somewhat related note... now whenever I think of the phrase 'the best laid plans of mice and men, often go awry' from the poem To a Mouse by Robert Burns (interesting link... you can listen to it in real audio, which sounds cool and makes it easier to understand-- remember Robert Burns from high school... the unintelligible poems supposedly written in 'english' that only made since when read out loud or translated into 'real english') I can't help but think of Eddie Izzard (a British somewhat cross-dressing comedian who is quite funny, but definitely not for everyone) and his video Definite Article where he talks about the plans of mice and men (click on 'The Italian Job'). The transcript is still funny, but the way he delivers the lines is half of what makes it so funny! But I digress...

It used to be all about me...

All eyes used to be on me, but it is becoming very clear that I am no longer the center of everything... on January 3, 2005 at 8:22 pm Nelson Alexander Sheets arrived and all eyes are on him! And the view from here... is quite lovely!