December 17, 2007

My gift to myself

I was shopping for jewelry to exchange at a Bunco party. I saw lots of things that were nice (and not so nice)... did I mention I'm not that much in to jewlery? This was quite a challenge for me. While looking through a display of inspirational jewlery I found a silver and black necklace that had an inscritption on the front and back of the 'charm' part. It said

Everyday matters - measure not the milestones but the moments
That made me stop in my tracks. It said so succintly the idea that I've been trying to embrace in my life for a while now. For so long I've felt like, one day seems like the next and I'm just waiting for the next 'big' thing to happen in my life. I started thinking about the importance of each and everyday when a long time ago a lady in a Bible study that I was a part of challenged us to see God's miracles everyday. I began thinking, "miracles?!? I just want to hear God everyday!" My relationship with God has been renewed (a story for another day) and I see how important each and everyday is. Each one is different -- I can choose it to be different from the last. Even more I want to be 'in the moment' and not so wrapped up in my head, so that I can make a difference in somebody else's life each day.
This is a new habit for me to develop and to do that I'm wearing the necklace constantly (another new thing... I don't wear necklaces at all -- don't like them really) to remind me to keep the focus on others and to make the moments count!
Oh! I did take this necklace to the exchange, but in the exchange game I played it so that I got it back! =)

November 5, 2007

Look up, get up and don't ever give up

This is an awesome story that I came across a while back. I need to make this the statement of my life!



Cowboys' flawed star Irvin shines at last
By Jim Trotter
UNION-TRIBUNE
August 5, 2007

The final five minutes of Michael Irvin's speech yesterday during the Pro Football Hall of Fame induction ceremony in Canton, Ohio, should be required viewing for every player at the annual Rookie Symposium.Irvin's words were raw, emotional and powerful, causing tears to well in the eyes of people watching in person and on television. His message ultimately was about perseverance, but it also was a sobering reminder that what you do today can have major consequences tomorrow.Wearing the customary yellow blazer of an inductee and a tie with the Windsor knot for which he's become known, Irvin talked about how he attended the ceremony last year and kept thinking to himself that he wasn't worthy. Not just as a player, but as a father, a husband and maybe even a man.

“I sat right here where you are last year and I watched the class of 2006 – Troy Aikman, Warren Moon, Harry Carson, Rayfield Wright, John Madden, and the late, great Reggie White, represented by his wife, Sara White – and I said, 'Wow. That's what a Hall of Famer is. Certainly I am not that.' ”

Irvin clearly was that on the field, where he was a dominant wide receiver who helped the Cowboys win three Super Bowls in four years in the 1990s. But off the field he had multiple run-ins with the law, most involving drugs.

As he watched the 2006 ceremony, he thought about the things he had done wrong and the pain he had put his family through. Then he thought about his two sons – Michael, now 10, and Elijah, 9 – and how, in his eyes, he had failed to lead them as effectively as he had his teammates.

“When I am on that threshing floor . . . I say, 'God, I have my struggles and I made some bad decisions, but whatever you do, whatever you do, don't let me mess this up,' ” he said in reference to his boys. “I said, 'Please, help me. Help me raise them for some young lady, so that they can be a better husband than I. Help me raise them for their kids, so that they can be a better father than I.' ”

Then, speaking to his sons, Irvin said: “And I tell you guys to always do the right thing so that you can be a better role model than Dad.”

Irvin, using a white handkerchief to wipe away tears that rolled down both cheeks, continued baring his soul as a silent crowd listened. He told the audience that when he left the ceremony in 2006, he doubted he would ever have a chance to gain admittance to the Hall, and that he immediately sought out his sons when he returned home the next day.

“I spoke with Michael and Elijah and I said, 'That's how you do it. You do it like they did,' ” he said of the 2006 inductees. “Michael asked, he said, 'Dad, do you ever think we will be there (to be inducted)?' And I didn't know how to answer that. It returned me to that threshing floor. This time I was voiceless, but my heart cried out: 'God, why must I go through so many peaks and valleys?' I wanted to stand in front of my boys and say, 'Do it like your dad,' like any proud father would want to (but) . . .

“And at that moment a voice came over me, and it said: 'Look up, get up and don't ever give up. And you tell everyone or anyone that has ever doubted, thought they did not measure up or wanted to quit, you tell them to look up, get up and don't ever give up.'

Irvin looked up, got up and refused to give up. Yesterday he was rewarded with a place among the immortals, and once again “the Playmaker,” as Irvin was known, delivered. Only this time it had nothing to do with football and everything to do with accountability.

November 4, 2007

Need to take this to heart


"I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is to try to please everyone." - Bill Cosby

November 3, 2007

Is there such a thing as 'Fall Cleaning'??

I'm part of this Bunco group with some ladies from my church since April or so. It's not something that I would normally do, but I thought that it would be good for me to get out of my comfort zone... something that I don't do enough of because... well, it's comfortable! The big problem with staying in the comfort zone is that you don't grow and you actually stagnate and can become quite unhappy and dissatisfied. So, I became a part and signed up to host in November. I've been stressing about it ever since for many reasons, but mainly just stressing that my house isn't as nice as everybody else's house and that they'll think badly of me. Sound familiar??? Don't want to share my blog because it doesn't look as nice or the way I want to...

Over the couple months I've been really trying to let this go. Recently, I realized that I actually have a big problem with this. I'm obsessed with a big house. I've had a big problem with comparing myself to others for a long time. I'm trying to break this sinful habit. I'm looking at how this house has been such a blessing from God and that I shouldn't have such a bad attitude about a blessing that God has given me. More on that another day...

These last couple weeks Nelson and I have really been cleaning and re-arranging and organizing every room in the house. It's been really tiring, but it's been such a source of happiness! The house is going to look really good and it's going to help so much. I think that I'll be able to maintain it's clean state because I like how it looks! If only I keep Xander from playing with his toys, it would stay really neat!! ;-D

November 2, 2007

Out with the old... and in with the new

After posting last night I went through and published all the posts that I had saved as drafts... well except for one. I couldn't find the picture that went in that post... had to get my SysAdmin (aka my beloved husband) to find out what folder he saved some pictures to...

It feels good to let go of a little bit of my perfectionism. I don't know why I didn't just publish those posts. I read through them and didn't really change much of anything to them. I liked them the way they were. I think that this blogging exercise is going to be really good for me. To not stress and fret over all the minutiae... to just get things done!

November 1, 2007

A new leaf

I've been wanting to be more faithful to my blog and so when I read on Janece's blog that it's NaBloPoMo (which I'd actually heard of before) I thought that I would jump on the bandwagon. From NaBloPoMo:

"What the heck is going on here?" you ask. Well, it's pretty simple. You get yourself a blog, if you don't have one already -- and don't mind me if I'm stupefied at the idea that there's someone left in the English speaking world without their own blog. Then you look at the calendar, and when the whole world goes, "Oh, I can't believe they're already playing Christmas music in the warden's office!" you'll know it's November and that is the month in which you post something to your blog every day, in accordance with the National Blog Posting Month challenge!
While I'm not one of the last people in the English speaking world without a blog... I've had it for 2 years!! I just haven't posted on it with any regularity.

And the reason for the lack of posting?

It's not for interest in blog reading. I love reading blogs. If I had tv I would definitely be addicted to reality tv. I just love getting a view into other peoples' lives. I love seeing how other people respond to situations. I love seeing how people think. I do know that most reality tv isn't really 'real' but it still fascinates me. I remember years ago flipping through the channels and coming across MTV's Real World and just being sucked in. So fast forward to now... I find myself up until the wee hours of the morning thinking to myself, "I'll read just one more post and THEN I'll go to bed."

The real reason for the lack of posts is my perfectionism. I'm embarassed that my blog doesn't look good. I could stick with just a blogger template, but my sense of individuality won't let me, but my lack of knowledge of html prevents me from doing 'exactly' what I want. I'm trying to change and not let my perfectionism be a hindrance to me doing things that I want to do... but that's a post for another day! ;-D

So this is post #1... a post of new beginnings... a place to start and learn and change... a new leaf!

July 7, 2007

Just struck me as rather funny...

The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling. - Paula Poundstone

July 1, 2007

My future's so bright...


I gotta wear shades...

June 5, 2007

Let's pretend...

We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful what we pretend to be.
- Kurt Vonnegut

This quote's an interesting take on the 'you are what you think' philosophy. It makes me wonder what I pretend to be. My first thought is that I don't pretend to be anything. I'm just me. Most of the time I want to pretend to be like somebody else so that people will like me or think that I'm cool or attractive or smart or whatever. But, I don't. At least I don't think I pretend. But does my everyday behavior come across as something different than how I truly am. Am I authentic and true to how I really am?

Then on the other hand I wonder if I *should* pretend to be those qualities that I want to be so that I can become them. You know the whole happy hypocrite thing... But, I don't.

So I'm still just me... take it or leave it... But I do so want to change some things about myself.

March 20, 2007

It's a small world after all...

Now that I've got that stuck in your head... ;-D

It's so strange and amazing to see what some would call a chance happening or coincidence, but I see it as God working... for what purpose I have no idea!

I used to work as a research technician at The Scripps Research Institute before I went to graduate school. One of the administrative assistants there left our lab after I had been there a couple years. Today Xander and I went over to a friend's house to go for a walk with her and her two kids. We had only gotten two houses down and I noticed a lady getting on the cell phone in her car in the driveway. She got out and pointed to me and said, "I know you!" To which I replied, "I know you, too!" It was the admin from my old lab. I had just been thinking about her a few weeks ago! We chatted for a while and exchanged contact info.

What a small world!

March 1, 2007

The Birth Story

I had the greatest of intentions to document more of the pregnancy and Xander's life, but that hasn't happened. It seems that this is a recurring statement for me... I really must change that! I finally have his birth written down (regrettably 2 years later) and there are some details and facts that I just can't remember. =( But this is as much as I remember...



During my last month of pregnancy we asked Nelson's family when they thought that the baby would be born, how long he'd be, and how much he'd weigh. Bre, Nelson's niece, wanted the baby born on her birthday January 27, but everybody told her that it wasn't likely. My estimated due date was January 21, 2005, but most people didn't think that I would make it to that day. These are the guesses…


Nelson’s dad 16th 8 lbs 6 oz 21.5 in
Mark 20th 6 lbs 13 oz 19 in
Nelson’s mom 18th 7 lbs 15 oz 21 in
Melody 22nd 7 lbs 3 oz 21.5 in
Kiara 22nd 8 lbs 19in
Bre 23rd 8 lbs 5 oz 19 in
Paige 17th 7 lbs 18 in
Nelson 12th 7 lbs 10 oz 20 in


Everything was as usual until the last week of December. I began having Braxton-Hicks contractions that were almost regular in nature during the night starting at about 2am and then randomly throughout the day. I had been having Braxton-Hicks contractions from about the midpoint of the pregnancy, but they only lasted for just a little while and were never consistent. I woke up at 3:45am (which wasn’t unusual… I woke up several times throughout the night while I was pregnant) on December 27, 2004. I laid there thinking, I have to use the bathroom, but I’m so tired. Warning – ookiness ahead… I then felt a small gush of fluid I thought I should go check, but I’m so tired. I got up and went to the bathroom, shut the door, so that I could turn on the light and not disturb Nelson. After nearly burning my retinas out (no dimmer switch on the light where the toilet is) I noticed that I was bleeding and I gushed a bit of fluid. I was not expecting what I thought was a lot of blood!! I yelled at Nelson, “We have to go to the hospital NOW!!” He said, “Really??!!??” I explained to him what was going on. He through on some clothes, grabbed the cameras, gave the cats some extra food, and I got shoes and a sweatshirt on and we headed out. We had a rental car since one of our cars was in the shop and we didn’t want to have to go to the hospital in my Pontiac Firebird (I didn’t want to be in labor and have my water break on my seats or sit in the bucket seats and breathe through contractions. The seating position’s almost a birthing chair anyway, I probably would’ve sped up the delivery looking back on it all)… it was a Dodge Ram HEMI (coooool!). From the time I woke up until we got in the delivery room was 15 minutes… in the fog!! Thankfully, no police were out!!

When we got there I was hooked up to monitors and they checked to see if I was dilated. I was 1 cm and I didn’t have any more blood. They monitored me for a while and watched his heart rate and every thing was fine. They said that since this was first pregnancy that it was perfectly fine for me to come in since there was blood. They didn’t make me feel like I was over-reacting, so I felt reassured that everything was ok. They wanted me to call my OB later in the morning, but I actually had an appointment which was even better. So, on the way back home we went by way of a road that was under construction. They had scraped all the asphalt off and there was a humongous pothole roughly every 6 inches or so. We had to go like 2 miles an hour. I commented to Nelson that if we stay on this road much longer, then we’re going to have to turn around and go back to the hospital!! We got home and went back to bed for a while.

We went to the OB appointment I was 2cm dilated! I called friends and our doula and let them know that the baby was coming sooner rather than later!!

Each night starting about 2 or 3 in the morning I would start having contractions and with each passing night they were getting stronger and more regular, but they would stop after a couple of hours. The contractions that started early Sunday morning went longer and came back several times throughout the day. I got the nesting urge that day, but had Nelson do all the cleaning and organizing to save my strength!! We called doula and let her know what was going on. She gave us some suggestions to get prepared and to give her a call when it was time.
We went out to get some cat food. There’s a huge furniture store next to the pet store so we walked all through it. I was hoping that it would bring on labor. Nelson had to go back to work the next morning because his Christmas vacation was over. He was taking 3 weeks off after the baby was born and really wanted to start his time off after already being off for 2 weeks. The doula was going on a family vacation at the end of the week and her partner would be my doula if I went into labor during that time. I wanted to make everybody happy! I was doing what I could to have the baby scheduled appropriately.

We called up Nelson’s family and asked if they wanted to eat at IHOP which was nearby. So we all met up and had breakfast for dinner! It was quite yummy! I love pancakes!!

We went to bed and contractions started up again about midnight and were much stronger! I was timing them and they were coming very regularly. After a while I couldn’t lie in bed any longer and began walking around the house. At some point (ookiness alert) I felt oozing again and went to the bathroom. The largest glop of bloody goo was in my underwear. I had passed the rest of my mucous plug. I then woke Nelson up and let him know what was going on. By now the contractions were the magical ‘5 minutes apart’. We called the hospital to see if we should come in or wait a while longer. We decided to go to the hospital because the contractions were starting to get to the point of me not being able to handle it on my own. This trip was a little slower than the last one. ;-D

We decided that we would call people and let them know once we determined that we would be staying and that we were ‘officially’ in labor (and by we… I mean… me!). We got there about 3:30 or 4am and unfortunately the labor room that was open was a lot smaller than the one we were in the first time, but it wasn’t too bad. They hooked me up to all the monitors and checked his heart rate. It all looked good. I can’t remember, but I think I was about 4cm dilated at that point. They gave me a huge glass of water to drink to see if that would cause my contractions to stop (dehydration is a common cause of contractions during pregnancy). I surprised Nelson by drinking it all relatively quickly. I normally don’t drink very much, especially water, but it just tasted so good! The contractions kept coming and they decided we were ready. We called Nelson’s family and told them and called our doula. During this time I kept asking Nelson to check and see if I was still bleeding because I kept feeling oozing. He would look and say that there wasn’t any blood. My OB happened to be on duty when we got there. He wanted to break my water, but when he tried nothing really happened. Later, Nelson told me that the doctor gave the nurses a ‘I’m-not-really-happy-with-you-look’ that they didn’t know my water had already broke, but I didn’t notice any of it happening. I guess the oozing that I was feeling was my water leaking out!

Because I have mitral valve prolapse and I was Group B Strep positive, I needed IV antibiotics for delivery. I have always had issues with having blood drawn from my left arm. No one can ever get any blood out of it. My right arm works like a charm, but left… I joke that it has no blood in it. The blood pressure cuff was on my right arm, so they wanted to put the IV in my left wrist. When I had tubes put in my ears when I was younger, I had an IV in my left hand (still have a small scar where it was) so I didn’t occur to me that it may be a problem to have an IV in my left wrist. The nurse tried multiple times and kept apologizing. She moved to a different spot on my arm and tried multiple times. Needles don’t bother me at all and I watch as they do it. I actually find it really interesting. It finally dawns on me that maybe she should try my right arm. I tell her that it’s always been impossible to get blood from my left arm, but I’ve had an IV on that arm before. Total rearrangement of the monitors and blood pressure cuff ensues. She’s able to get the IV in the first time on my right arm. She says that that’s the way it’s supposed to be. She also tells me in the future to have IVs in my right arm! I apologized for not remembering, but I didn’t think of it since I’d had an IV there before.

So, now that everything was set up we just make it through the contractions and wait for the ‘magical dilation of 10’. The nurses kept telling me that the baby was very low and that he would be here really soon, but every ultrasound and internal exam I was told that he was low.

I can’t say enough for how wonderful it was to have our doula there. I wouldn’t have been able to make it through without her. She helped me make it to the other side of each contraction. I can’t really describe what the contractions felt like. It’s really amazing that something that was that painful, I can’t remember what it was like. If we have another child, I’m sure that once I have a contraction, I’ll be, “oh yeah… this is what they felt like”, but I can’t conjure up that feeling. The only thing that I can remember is that later on in the contractions, I started getting an incredible pain and pressure on my pubic bone, but other than that I can’t really describe them.

I labored in bed for most of the time. The nurses kept thinking that the baby would be here really soon, but my dilation wasn’t really progressing very fast. Our doula had me try different positions in bed, a birthing ball, and walking around for a while. That was all helpful in the sense, it changed the sensations of the contractions and broke up the monotony, but the dilation was increasing very slowly. All throughout the morning, between contractions I was my normal self, smiling, joking and enjoying the process. There was one point that I remember thinking was very nice and peaceful. It was sometime in the morning maybe 9 or 10am and it was lightly raining outside. I was next to the window and could see the gray overcast sky and the rain falling. I could also hear the rain. I t was really very peaceful. A very nice added touch to the labor! The only odd thing was that I could see a man outside smoking and it kept looking like he was looking right at me! I’m sure the window is tinted so that it’s difficult to see in, but it still looked like he was looking right at me. Because of my demeanor between my contractions and my quietness during the contractions, my doula and the nurses kept saying how amazing I was and that I was the poster woman for Lamaze!

I can’t remember when, but I think it must’ve been around noon, the nurses decided that I should have a little bit of pitocin to improve the ‘shape’ of my contractions and make them more productive and speed up the dilation. I was a little apprehensive about getting pitocin. I was afraid that it would make the contractions much stronger and that I wouldn’t be able to handle it. They said that it would only be just the smallest amount. I said ok and it did help to improve the ‘shape’ of the contractions and I was still able to handle them.

Later in the afternoon it was getting much harder to make it through the contractions. I remember thinking at one point during a contraction, “I’ve been at this how many hours and it’s this painful? I could probably make it through to 10, but then I have to do the pushing!! How long is that going to take and how much more is that going to hurt??” I started to cry a little and told our doula, “I don’t think that I can do this!” She told me that I could and to just get through each contraction! To look at her and to focus on her. I was able to keep going! Thankfully during all of this long laboring process the baby’s heart rate was consistent and perfect!

I was getting very thirsty and hungry and the nurses let me have some apple juice. It tasted so good and I don’t normally like apple juice! Nelson’s family brought him and the doula some food and they alternated scarfing food down between my contractions. I felt kind of bad because our doula’s daughter had a basketball game that evening and she missed it because my labor was taking so long. Part of the reason that I was progressing so slowly (by 5pm I was maybe 7.5cm) was because the baby was what they call ‘sunny-side up’ (or posterior) and he was stuck on my pubic bone. They added some kind of pain killer to my IV. As soon as it was added I immediately said that it made me feel weird. If there’s a next time we definitely will be skipping that! It made me so groggy and sleepy. I was falling asleep between the contractions and it didn’t take away any of the pain! After an hour or two of this I finally agreed to the epidural. It’s not that I was adamant about not having an epidural, it’s just that I wanted to be able to go as long as I could before I needed it.

The nurses were really looking out for me. I had waited for quite a while for the anesthesiologist to come and put in the epidural. They finally just told him to give me my epidural now!! He came and gave me the epidural and I was given a catheter. It was so hard to try and be as still as I possibly could so that he could place the needle in my spine during contractions that were so painful.

After the epidural the nurses wanted me to rest for a few hours to gain my strength back. It was sometime after 7pm. I remember the lights being turned out and talking with Nelson. I was still quite groggy from the IV pain medicine. I was apologizing for taking so long and being so loud during my contractions over the last couple hours. In the exhaling during contractions I wasn’t really exhaling… it was more like forced exhaling with moaning… which I thought was very loud (Nelson disagrees). He told me that I didn’t have anything to be sorry for. I was doing an amazing job! He told me to get some rest! I rested, but I don’t think I ever actually went to sleep. I could still feel the contractions but they weren’t painful. The nurse who was with me in the morning and had given me my IV was back on duty.

She came in and said, “You’re still here?” I’m coming back at 8pm and you’re going to start pushing and have this baby!!

I said, “Uhh… ok?”

She was true to her word. 8pm she came in and started getting me ready to push. I was 10cm (I actually don’t remember her even checking to see if I was fully dilated) and couldn’t move my left leg at all and the buzzing feeling that I had in my legs was really bothersome. I’m glad that I didn’t have the epidural for very long. They placed my legs in the stirrups. Our doula said that this nurse has a real talent for positioning women so that they can push most effectively. The nurse told Nelson’s family that since this was my first baby that it was going to be a while before the baby was here. She told me that the doctor (another doctor from the OB practice was now on duty) had given me 3 hours to get the baby out or I was going to have a C-section! That was the motivation that I needed! Since I could still feel when I was having a contraction, I began a set of pushes with the next contraction. The nurse was amazed that the baby began moving and rotated into the correct birthing position. She said, “Wow! You’re a really good pusher!” Who knew? I pushed another set and then they let me feel the baby’s head crowning and had me stop pushing! The doctor wasn’t even in the hospital yet! I spent the next 10 minutes trying not to push! Right before the doctor got there I was thinking, “Ok, if she’s not here with the next contraction, I can’t NOT push any longer!” So one more set of pushes and he was born at 8:22 pm! It looked like he had curly hair but it was just because it was wet and he had so much hair (that later when it was dry was such a bright blonde color!!)! His head was so perfectly round, too! I guess because he didn’t spend all that much time in the birth canal!! They laid him on me and I cut his umbilical cord… it was surprisingly tough! It took me a second try to actually cut it! They weighed and measured him and he was 6lbs 12oz and 18.5in. A little tiny guy!! They burrito-ed him and gave him a hat and Nelson got to hold him while they repaired my 3rd degree tear. This is when we finally told everybody his name… Nelson Alexander Sheets and that we giving him the nickname Xander (spelled with an X but pronounced like Zander). Nelson then called my Dad and let him know that his grandson was finally here!! I held him and let him nurse. He took to it right away with no problems!

After a while Nelson and the nurses took the baby to the nursery to have a bath and they began the process of moving me to a post-partum room. They removed the catheter and the epidural. They had me go to the restroom. While I was sitting there I told another nurse that I didn’t feel well. She told me to breathe and put my head between my legs. That wasn’t really helping. I told her that I was getting ready to pass out. At the same time the nurse was coming into the rest room she started to lift me up under my armpits and starting moving me toward a wheel chair. That was the last thing I remember until I was wondering why I smelled ammonia and it was all dark. A group of people were hovering around me trying to get me to come to. I felt much better and they moved me to the new room. I was freezing, so they brought me a warm blanket. They took Xander to the nursery so that I could get some good rest. Nelson tucked me in, said good night, and headed home to feed the cats and to get some rest, too.

About 2 hours later the nurse woke me up and told me that Xander was hungry. So I nursed him. I was so exhausted and I was too nervous to fall asleep with him and he kept needing to nurse many times. At one point he started crying and I couldn’t get him to stop. I thought that maybe I should change his diaper. This was the first diaper *ever* that I had changed. I got him cleaned up which was rather difficult because meconium is just so difficult to clean up, but had a rather difficult time getting the new diaper on him. I like to think of myself as a rather intelligent person that can reason things through and arrive at a solution, but the intricacies of closing up a diaper were lost on me at that moment with a screaming newborn. I actually had to call the nurse to come help me. Did I mention how exhausted I was and how I can’t handle babies crying *at all*? Thankfully the nurse was very helpful and didn’t laugh when she told me that it was on backwards. I can’t remember if she re-burritoed him or not, but by the time the nurses came to get Xander for his pediatrician check at 7am he was not really burritoed very well (did I also mention that still to this day I can’t swaddle a baby?) and I had him sleeping in his little hospital bassinett/cart, so that I could get a little bit of sleep. The pediatrician brought him back after a while and said that his temperature was low and they placed him under the warmers for awhile. I felt so bad… it didn’t dawn on me that I was cold and he might be cold because the room was so cold (which the pediatrician mentioned when he walked to my side of the room). Other than that he was doing well. The hospital food was actually pretty decent!

Nelson arrived a little later in the morning and stayed all day until he had to leave at 10pm. Other people visited and we just enjoyed being with Xander. Before Nelson arrived a gentleman in scrubs came in and asked me how I felt and how my back was doing after the epidural. I had no clue who he was, but he had such an interesting accent (maybe from a country in Africa?). It was a little weird talking with him because I was just trying to figure out who he was. I assumed that he was the anesthesiologist, but for the life of me I couldn’t remember him having an accent when he was giving me the epidural. I know I didn’t know what he looked like because when my eyes were open I was looking at Nelson, but most of the time they were closed so that I could concentrate on making it through the contractions and not moving. I asked Nelson about the whole thing and he said that he was the anesthesiologist. I just couldn’t believe that I had no idea that he had an accent. Later the OB came in and asked if I wanted to go home and I told her that I still felt pretty weak and thought that I would stay another day. I also wanted to stay because I was told that Xander would have to stay for 48h since I was Group B Strep positive. The nurses took such good care of me. They did all that they could to keep my semi-private room private and they brought me extra of those wonderful pads that you break and they get really cold! They felt so good and I think they really helped me. I only took one Motrin for pain from the tear and I don’t think I really needed to. I never had any trouble from my tear. There were a few times that I forgot and sat down too hard in the wrong way, but it was really not an issue for me at all.

The next morning’s check-up for Xander went well. The pediatrician said that he was a little jaundiced, but she wasn’t concerned with it. The second day in the hospital was a little more draining. I was starting to get *very* uncomfortable in the hospital bed. I was also getting tired of the moving process involved with going to the restroom.

I decided to take a shower which really made me quite tired and wasn’t as relaxing as normal. The shower was a little tiny in the corner kind of shower with a curtain that let in cold air, even though I had the heat lamp on in the bathroom, and the water from the showerhead was like tiny needle like streams that were really beginning to hurt. There was not enough water to come out to rinse my hair quickly so I was in there forever. Thankfully near the end, Nelson came in and helped me because my legs were beginning to give out and he helped me get dressed and back to bed. He also combed all the knots out of my hair, which was beginning to look like small mammals were nesting in there. I must remember to try to wear my hair straight and not just in a ponytail before going in to labor if there’s a second baby… yet another reason long curly hair can be such a pain!

Since Xander wasn’t born until 8:22pm we couldn’t leave the hospital until then. By that time Xander was beginning to scream as we were putting him in his clothes which were way to big for him. They were so big that it made Nelson and I get the giggles! We finally got him dressed (kind of). We next had to get him in his car seat. We had to readjust the straps because they were too low. I think this was Nelson’s ‘diaper issue’. Again, he’s a pretty intelligent guy and can easily figure out how things work, but we were there *forever* with a screaming newborn trying to get the straps fixed! Finally, we got everything together, got us all bundled up, and got in the car. Xander was still screaming but we drove not even 2 minutes down the road and it then it suddenly stopped. The car was back from the shop but the interior lights weren’t working! So, I couldn’t even see him even though I was sitting right next to him. Nelson asked, as I was thinking it, “Is he still breathing?” I couldn’t see him, so I put my hand in front of his face and then on his chest and felt him breathing! It was just amazing how instantly he fell asleep! And he’s only done that once or twice since!

February 24, 2007

All the ducks (and a cat) in a row


He did this all himself. No adjusting or coaxing from me. Have I mentioned that he's ALOT like his father?? Notice how they are all facing the same direction and fit perfectly within the alotted space! This wasn't just a fluke...


Notice this time animal classification. I do need to teach him that reptiles are more closely related to birds... so it should be ducks, aligator, and I'm a bit fuzzy on which is the higher mammal mice or koalas (marsupial)... all of my higher education was in the germs... cut me a little slack! Oops, I think my geekiness just oozed out a bit! Need to keep that in check! ;-D


February 21, 2007

Sometimes you have to wonder what they're thinking...

Carrots and Ice Cream... that's right carrots and ice cream.

Xander has always loved veggies and he really likes carrots. It's only in the last few months that he's realized the joy that ice cream is. Tonight my Dad, Nelson David, Xander and I went out to eat at Sizzler. Xander ate peas, carrots, corn, cucumber, and chicken. For dessert after the watermelon, pineapple, and cantaloupe, he began dipping his shredded carrots in Nelson's ice cream.

He said, "Mmmmmm... 'ummmy'!!"

I think that he has the potential to be a great chef... to break the (jello) mold of conventional food combinations. He thinks outside the box (of cheerios)! He doesn't let the grimaces of those watching his experience of new recipes affect his enjoyment in new and daring taste sensations! He is steadfast in his opinions! He is courageous and adventurous! He is constantly trying new, bold, and unthought of selections! Watch out Emeril... Xander is waiting in the wings!! BAM!!

This culinary experience follows on the heels of last Saturday's IHOP excusion. The morning's combination of delight... ketchup and cheerios!!

You read that right... Ketchup and Cheerios!!

Actually, he had ketchup with his eggs, his hashbrowns (he does have some conventional and traditional leanings), his eggs, and his pancakes that already had maple syrup! Nelson David drew the line at Fruit Loops.

"He is not going to dip Fruit Loops in kethcup... that's just not right!"

It's been really interesting to see his tastes change. Just a couple months ago he loved spaghetti, but now he won't eat it at all! About a month ago he discovered ketchup (aka 'dup-dup)! He clearly loves the stuff and wants it all the time especially with 'nee-nee' (chicken for those of you not fluent in Xanderish... thankfully he signs quite well to aide in translation to common English).

I've become quite proficient at ketchup stain removal from shirts, pants, socks, pajamas, skin, tables, and floors!!

Moral to the story: Kids tastebuds are whacked, but it is quite a sight to behold!

February 9, 2007

A Tribute



Maybe it’s because I’m an only child, but I’ve always felt that our pets were much more than just that that. So, whenever pets of ours have died, it always hits me rather hard and I feel that I haven’t taken care of them as well as I could have. These are the events of the last few days.
Watson was our loving, goofy, laid-back, OCD, weird oriental short-hair. He was born August 9, 1994 and died February 9, 2007. We will miss him greatly. It’s so hard to believe that he won’t be sitting at his place on the kitchen rug waiting to be fed or curling up and snoozing in the sun with his half-brother Zemo. Never again will he take off running in a fit of cat crazies. I won’t see his little tummy pooch swinging side to side as he’s running! I’m going to miss scratching him and watching the base of his tail ‘side-poof’ and reach higher to the tip of his tail as he enjoys it more and more. I’m never going to figure out why he licked my mouse, keyboard, and chair arms. I’m only going to see that crooked smile in pictures. I’ll only remember the way he went from lap to lap of people that were visiting. There’s never going to be another Watson.
In the wee hours of Wednesday morning (2/7/07) Xander woke up coughing and so we went into the kitchen and had a little bit of Sierra Mist to stop the coughing. We then went to sit in the nursing chair to rock and fall back to sleep. Both Watson and Zemo were sitting in the chair, so I scooted them over a little and sat down. Surprisingly, Zemo stayed for a little while and then when Xander started moving a little, He hopped down. Watson stayed. After awhile Xander changed positions in my arms so that his legs were laying on Watson. Watson didn’t seem to mind. After a bit I needed to change postions and I was scooting Watson off the chair and he made a sound that I’ve never heard him make… it was like a growl! I scooted him again and he made the sound again and hopped down. I thought that it was odd, but went back to rocking Xander and trying to get him to sleep. He finally drifted off and I put him back in his crib and went to bed.

When we all got up in the morning we noticed that Watson was acting a little odd and there was a spot where a cat urinated on the carpet on the way to the litter box. He was kind of hovering while he was eating and walking around gingerly… like he was sore. Nelson went on to work and throughout the day I kept an eye on Watson and Xander’s fever. Just the day before Xander had a fever of 103°. Xander seems to take after me in that I very rarely ever get fevers, so I was a bit concerned! Thankfully it only lasted about a day and Xander never really seemed sick (except for the constant humming that he does when he doesn’t feel well or is tired). When it was time for Xander and I to take a nap our usual routine is to go into the bedroom, Xander closes the blinds and shuts the door and I check for kitties (usually Watson) under the covers and I usher them out of the room. This time I let Watson stay under the covers since he wasn’t feeling well and we all took a nice nap together. When we got up from our nap, Watson was still acting peculiar. I gave him some of his wet food/water mixture as always since he was wanting to eat. He lets me know that he wants to eat by his quiet almost subliminal meows and sitting in ‘his’ spot on the kitchen rug. When I put the food out I could tell that Watson could smell it and he began walking toward it, but went to the dry food bowl instead. I moved his head toward the wet food and said here it is Watson and he began eating it. I thought that it was very odd that it was like he couldn’t see it.

Later on I sat in the nursing chair and held Watson for a while and then when I got up to make dinner I left him in the chair. He stayed there for many hours. He sat there in positions that were odd for him.

Later that night about 10:30 I told Nelson that I thought we should really take Watson to the Vet because Watson was still behaving oddly and was beginning to shiver/quiver. I was really worried about him. So even though Nelson had to get up very early for work he took Watson to an after hours emergency vet hospital. He called after they were seen and said that Watson had exploded from both ends on the way there and that the towel in the cat carrier wouldn’t be coming back. He also said that the technician had said that they were ‘stinky’! They did some blood work on Watson and gave him a catheter to give him some IV fluids. He stayed overnight. They required him to be picked up at 7:30am since they close at 8am and to be transferred to our regular vet.
Xander and I got up at 6am… I had planned to let Xander sleep while I got ready, but Xander had other ideas. He woke up and was wanting to nurse, but I had to keep telling him that we couldn’t because we had to go get kitty. Daddy took kitty to the doctor last night because he was sick and we needed to go get him. Xander was just whining that he wanted to sleep. I finally finished getting ready and gave Xander some breakfast which seemed to help his mood. I grabbed a towel for the carrier and we managed to leave not too late and traffic wasn’t too bad.
We only got there a bit late!
We picked up Watson and he looked a bit stronger, but still kind of drunk. We took him to our regular vet and on the way there he threw up. When we got to the vet we went into the exam room and waited for a quite a while because the Vet was running late. Watson didn’t want to come out of the carrier, which was unusual for him. He was just staring even when I would get right in front of him he would just stare. While waiting for the Vet there were several times that he almost stepped off the exam table like he couldn’t see that he was close to the edge! It was so hard to try and keep Watson comforted and Xander corralled! Xander was getting so tired by this point I just had to hold him to keep him happy. The Vet thought that Watson had facial nerve paralysis because of his ‘crooked smile’, but I told him that he’s always been like that. I explained what had been going on and that I thought that maybe Watson couldn’t see. He put Watson on the floor and dropped a few cotton balls in front of him and Watson only saw one of them! He thought that there may be something neurological going on with him. He said that he would do some blood tests and x-rays and watch him. He thought that maybe Watson had a stroke and maybe that’s what was causing the problem and would do a thyroid test to see if that’s what caused the blood clot in the first place. When he took Watson out of the exam room and Xander and I were leaving, Xander began crying that we were leaving kitty. I tried to tell him that kitty had to stay so that the doctor could try to figure out why kitty was so sick and to make him better, but that didn’t help. He cried and cried for kitty. He finally stopped when we were about 2 blocks from home and then fell asleep. I drove for about a half hour so that he could get some sleep. When we got home, Xander didn’t want to be awake so after fighting it for a little bit, I decided ok… let’s take a nap. So we both slept until lunch time.
About 2pm the Vet called and said that he really thought that there was something neurological wrong with Watson after watching him throughout the day. He said that when he was taking X-rays of Watson that he got so stressed that he almost passed out! He wanted to me to take Watson to a specialist vet center. Xander and I packed up quickly and went to get Watson. We met with the Vet and he said that he was having a thyroid test done but the results wouldn’t be back for a few days. In the meantime, he wanted to take Watson’s blood pressure because that could be elevated from low thyroid function and cause him to throw clots. He said that his intestines and heart looked good and all of his blood work (from both places) all looked normal. Taking animals blood pressure was something that the specialty vet could do.

So we immediately left for the specialty hospital. I brought x-rays that Watson had taken about a year and a half ago and then the newest x-rays. I couldn’t carry everything in in one trip. So Xander and I went back out for the diaper bag and the x-rays and Xander was starting to get upset that we left kitty. I said that we just had to get things out of the car and we’ll go right back and see kitty. The specialty hospital quickly put us in an exam room (their largest one so that Xander could have room to roam). He kept bumping his nose on the carrier door, like it surprised him that it was there. He really couldn’t see. I took Watson out of the carrier and Xander petted kitty and I held Watson as much as I could to comfort him which did seem to help. The Specialty Vet came in and talked with us about Watson. He had such a sweet and caring demeanor. After having Watson walk around on the floor he agreed that he couldn’t see and that was why he was just meowing because it was so confusing and scary. He wanted to take his blood pressure and look at his retinas. So he took Watson and Xander was a little upset by this but not bad. The specialty Vet was holding Watson and scratching him and telling him that he knew how scary it was. He really seemed to have a truly caring nature. When Watson came back he had a bandana around his neck… I don’t know why. He said that his eyes/retinas looked normal and that his blood pressure was normal. So there were a couple possibilities. That there was some vascular incident and that he would gradually improve over the next 24h. Or that he could have some kind of tumor in the brain. I decided to keep Watson there overnight to get more fluids (that we’d been carrying with us from vet to vet) while we decided if we should do a CT scan and a spinal tap to find out what was going on with Watson. Xander was getting very hungry, so we headed home to get some dinner. After we got home and Xander was eating the Specialty Vet called and said that Watson had had a seizure. They gave him valium to prevent another seizure and would give him Phenobarbital if he had another. They were going to wait until we had decided whether or not to do the CT scan and the spinal tap before they started him on Prednisone to decrease the swelling which should help in any scenario that we were looking at. The Specialty Vet believed that Watson’s eyesight would eventually return and that he would need to stay in the hospital until he had 24h without a seizure. There would be routine blood work to assay the blood levels of Phenobarbital. I thought about going to visit Watson after Xander went to bed, but I thought I’ll just see him in the morning.
Nelson and I decided that we would not have the CT scan or the spinal tap done on Watson. Our reasoning was that in the last few years Watson’s overall quality of life was starting to decline. We couldn’t see putting Watson through the stress of another transport to a different hospital and the procedures in the condition he was in. In the worst case, if he had a tumor that was operable we also couldn’t see putting him through surgery and chemotherapy since he had was having difficulty eating and not throwing up. All that to say, Watson was still his normal self and seemed to be quite content with life. I didn’t want to admit that Watson was beginning a decline of his health. I also was feeling very guilty that I had not been treating him as well as I should have. Since Xander has come along I’ve found it very difficult to give everyone the attention that they need and deserve. Unfortunately, the cats often got the leftovers… which weren’t all that abundant. Often Watosn would be so frustrating to me because of his apparent finicky eating habits and his chewing my rose cuttings that I was trying to grow. I’m so ashamed to admit that there were times I wished that he wasn’t around… he could be just so infuriating! All the time that I was praying that God would help us to figure out what was wrong with him, to help him get better, and for his eyesight to return, I just felt like we were going to be a one cat family. I don’t know why I thought that he wasn’t going to make it… was I wishing for that?
Nelson called the Specialty Vet Hospital before we went to bed to check on Watson. The said that his temperature was dropping and they put him in a heating blanket and that this was common for after a sedative. They said he seemed a little out of it, but also common after a seizure and sedation. I kept praying through the night.
The cats have never been without each other for more than a few hours during the day when Watson had 2 surgeries without Zemo going to the Vet, too. Zemo had been walking around meowing and looking for Watson, so Nelson and I decided to let him sleep with us for the night. We had kept the cats from sleeping with us since Xander was sleeping in the bed with us. When Xander started sleeping in his crib in his room we just kept on sleeping without the cats for Nelson’s allergies.
I was up for a couple hours with Xander during the night and after I got him back to sleep in his crib I was laying in bed and thought I heard the phone ring, but didn’t hear it again. Nelson got up to go to work early and then came back into the bedroom and said that the Specialty Vet hospital had called. Watson had gone into cardiac arrest and died. I immediately began sobbing. I began blurting all of the feelings I had been having about him not making it, going to visit, about at times him not being around. I had no idea that Watson was going to die. Not that I sat around thinking of how people will die, but the people in my life that have died… I never expected it to happen to them or the way that it happened. I just thought that it would come down to a quality of life decision with Watson… either sooner because of his vision impairment, a tumor, or his difficulty eating. I never anticipated it occurring so suddenly. Nelson eventually decided to stay home and do some work from home to be with me. He also wanted to stay home to help clean the house since my dad was coming to visit later that day.
After Xander got up and I made pancakes (Xander’s favorite), we got ready and went to the Specialty Vet to pick up the Cat carrier and to settle our bill. When we got to the door of the Specialty Vet Hospital Xander said Kitty. We had to explain to him that kitty wasn’t here. We got the carrier and got a copy of the referral letter that the Vet on duty had written explaining what had happened. The whole time Xander kept asking for kitty and playing with the cat carrier. When we left he asked for kitty again and I had to say that kitty won’t be coming home with us as I was unsuccessfully fighting back the tears. When we got in the car he again asked for kitty and I explained that kitty was very sick and didn’t get better and he died. Xander put his hands up covering his eyes and began to cry.
After lunch we went to the bedroom for our nap and Xander said happily kitty when we went to the bed and I had to tell him that kitty wasn’t in here.
Sunday evening we were all watching a movie and all of sudden Xander went over to Nelson and pointed to Zemo, who was sitting on his lap, and said kitty and then began crying and laid down on the floor.
It’s apparent how much of a presence Watson had with Xander. Many pictures of Xander have Watson somewhere in them. I’m really sad that Xander will forget Watson and I’m going to have to tell Xander about Watson when he’s older. I hope that Zemo will someday really warm up to Xander and be close to him.One week and one day later we went to pick up Watson’s remains. As soon as we drove into the parking lot of the Specialty Vet’s office Xander started saying and signing kitty! We had to explain again that kitty was really sick and the doctor couldn’t make him better. That kid’s got an amazing memory!